The 'T' is for 'Trying too hard'

I bet you're looking at this and wondering, "The Hell, Matt, in what scenario is an animatronic T-Rex disappointing?"

To that I say "You weren't there so quit judging how I live my life."


I was expecting a The Wizard/Pee Wee's Big Adventure-style dinosaur. What I got was Chuck-E-Cheese-style sadness.

This awkward beast had a sign below it stating: "Warning! T-Rex feeds every 12 minutes". I must have arrived eleven minutes too early because for what seemed like an eternity she looked to be deep in the throws of a diazepam/vodka fueled fit. Every few moments she'd lazily raise her head - eyes half-mast - and gaze around (as if to get a grasp of just what in the hell was going on). The head lowers and she's out again. The kids around started yelling at her to eat them, and I began to feel sad for everyone involved. Eventually loud noises erupted and she roared out as if to claim her freedom back from substance abuse. Red lights flash and that's about it.


I wanted to climb inside a 13 foot Tyrannosaurus and yell "California"!

Not today.